An important point that has to be emphasized is that orgasm or the perception of reaching a climax during sex is a mental occurrence – it all happens happens exclusively in the mind, even with the overwhelming physical sensations that are associated with it. When men and their partners try to discuss the topic of delayed ejaculation, they generally tend to lump these two occurrences together. Contrary to generally accepted perceptions, orgasm and ejaculation are 2 thoroughly different events!
Ejaculation, on the other hand, is a purely physical response which is triggered by persistent stimulation to the penis and sexually sensitive nerve endings elsewhere in the body. Science has not yet identified where sexual orgasm occurs within the brain, but much is known about the synaptic pathways by which the physical function of ejaculation is triggered.
There are competing viewpoints but one theory is that when erotic pleasure gets to a certain threshold, the emission of ejaculatory fluids near the farthest point of the the urethra increases the pressure at the root of the penis, and this consequently results in a whole series of physical responses which includes flexing of the pubococcygeal muscle.
The autonomic nervous system is at full play as far as ejaculation is concerned, while sexual arousal is confined to the voluntary nervous system.
As it is, medical professional have long known about delayed ejaculation and evolution of the terminology given to this bodily phenomenon probably represents in a very real sense, the scientific community’s evolving attitude to this function: ejaculatory incompetence, ejaculatory over-control, retarded ejaculation, and finally delayed ejaculation.
These are names that clearly show, at least in my mind, a new and increasingly sympathetic attitude for the men who are having sexual problems with their partners because of their inability to ejaculate in a timely way during sexual intercourse.
What is particularly puzzling to researchers is that many of delayed ejaculation sufferers are able to climax normally from masturbation. This fact has given rise to the belief that there may be a correlation between a couple’s relationship status with the inability to reach orgasm and ejaculate in the course of engaging in sex. However, one must exercise a healthy dose of skepticism when seeking an explanation that lies in the relationship between a couple.
There’s ample reason to conclude that a man’s apparent inability to ejaculate even when a partner performs fellatio on him, during actual intercourse, or through direct manual stimulation by a partner merely represents the fact that there’s nothing in these activities that approximate the higher degree of stimulation that an individual may have learned to perform on his own penis in the act of pleasuring himself.
We know that the body can be trained to respond to these high level or style of stimulation, so it’s always wise to initially find out whether or not the delay in ejaculating simply lies in the fact that the man by himself, can perform harsh, firm, or high-frequency pressure during self pleasuring, in a way that is not simulated in the course of sexual intercourse with a partner.
If the problem is, in fact, caused by a simple incompatibility in techniques, the remedy will be in the form of a physical reconditioning of the body, the sex organ and the mind, to respond to much more gentle stimulation that can eventually bring about an orgasm in the course of sexual intercourse.
In many instances, counsellors and sex therapists more often than not, base their recommendations on the supposition that that the internal dynamics is the real cause of the problem.
Quite frankly, there’s solid basis for this assumption. In my years of working as a therapist, I’ve encountered couples who have become alienated from each other and have reduced intimacy to such a degree that the man no longer finds gratification in intercourse, and secretly disdains the routine, whilst simultaneously finding himself powerless to reach out to his spouse or partner in a way that might open a route to a mutually agreeable solution to these problems.
Moreover, even without hostility, anger, or any other emotion on the part of the man towards the woman, there may well be a particular type of individual who is prone to delayed ejaculation.
According to the most current scientific journals, this individual type is quite likely a person who is somehow disconnected to his personal preferences to induce sexual arousal, who is generally unable to realize just how aroused he is when indulging in any sexual intercourse, who regards sex with his partner as some obligation for which he is responsible, who considers his partner’s pleasure during sexual intercourse as a basic obligation, and who believes that her pleasure must come before anything else and is the priority during sex. These personalities generally, whether consciously or not, perceive themselves as the “mighty purveyor of sex”, grinding on (sometimes to no avail) to bring the sexual intercourse to a successful climax.
It is also observable that the majority of the partners of men with this condition tend to be somewhat passive about sex, and have an expectation that the male is somehow responsible for their sexual pleasure. The truth is, they are of course responsible for their personal orgasm. In instances like this, it’s absolutely advantageous to be able to re-educate a couple and make available some useful sexual information. This way, the couple’s ideas and attitudes about sex and erotic pleasure can be brought more into line with reality.
Furthermore, it is noticeable that males who fall into this subservient sexual profile generally lack solid grasp of their personal gradations of arousal. In a very real sense, there appears to be some kind of disconnect, or a blank space, in their sexual maturity, in such a way that they have rendered dependent their internal mechanism of sexual pleasure with the external dynamics of engaging in intercourse with a partner.
What I mean by this is that their own erotic world somehow doesn’t serve as a source of sexual arousal and pleasure: they are left in a sort of sexual limbo in which they propose to engage in sexual intercourse minus all the emotional and physical tools that are necessary for the sex act to be a pleasurable and intimate exercise.